See my badge?

A Texas Sheriff stops at a ranch in rural TX and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, ‘I need to inspect your ranch for illegal grown drugs.’ The old rancher says, ‘Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.’ The Sheriff verbally explodes saying, ‘Mister, I have the authority of the Sheriffs Department with me.’ Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his badge. The officer proudly displays it to the rancher. ‘See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.. on any land. No questions asked or answers given.

Have I made myself clear?

Do you understand?’

The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Sheriff running for his life and close behind is the rancher’s bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The Sheriff is clearly terrified. The old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..

‘Your badge! Show him your badge!

WORK

The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand,and even electronically.

This virus is called Weekly Overload Recreational Killer (WORK).

If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues or anyone else viaany means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT!!! This virus will wipe out yourprivate life entirely. If you should come into contact with WORK you shouldimmediately leave the premises.

Take two good friends to the nearest Bar and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

(funny email I just received from my coworker, I am sure some of you interdweebs have read this before)

Twenty Dollars

~ Believe it or not - it’s a true story!!!

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than 30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go. It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he’d be able to find another job. Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million. Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank which were worth over $2 million. She explained that she had ‘charged’ him for sex, and these were the results of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak. Finally he found his voice and blurted out, ‘If I’d had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with you.’
That’s when she shot him. You know, men just don’t know when to keep their mouths shut!!!!!

(funny little office email I got this morning)

How webmasters can lower bandwidth costs.

1. Make articles short.